In the new world, we will be required to understand that the purpose of our existence on planet Earth is development of our spirit through experiences in the material world.
There are two ways to understand this requirement, through either suffering or awareness.
Thus, he who chooses to walk the path of awareness will save himself a lot of suffering in all aspects of life.

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The goal of this article is to lay the correct foundation for conscious parenthood.
To that end, we must first free ourselves from the wrong belief that parenthood is an entirely “natural” thing. Although the biological component of parenthood is natural, becoming a parent who is also a guide, a teacher and a mentor requires self-awareness and a lot of practice.
Such awareness can prevent life-changing mistakes if we are parents to small children. However, if our children are already older, it also provides us with the tools to help correct and heal the parenting mistakes we have made out of ignorance.
Additionally, this awareness can help us correct the mistakes our parents made, and, thereby, not only correct and heal our lives, but also eliminate wrong behavioral patterns that have passed down from generation to generation.

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Let’s start with the Ten Commandments for Conscious Parenthood:

The First Commandment: Our Children are not Ours.
In his poem “On Children”, the Lebanese poet, Kahlil Gibran wrote:
“ Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself:
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls…”

Therefore, the meaning of bringing a child into this world is to give an opportunity for an independent soul to grow and develop through us, but it shall never belong to us.
Practically speaking, this commandment demands that we release our traditional understanding of parenthood as a state of ownership and control, since it does not respect the child as an independent human being with his own destiny, his own fate.
We must remember that our child is not our “mini-me!”
Ancient Hebrew writings guide us that “A person can learn only from a place that his heart desires,” and suggest to “Train a lad in the way he ought to go”. However, much of the education system today, at home and at school, is not tailored to the unique desires and path of the child, but rather, to the desires of the ego of the parent and teacher.
That is, many parents seek to have their children succeed where they have failed or expect their children to excel in areas where they, as parents, were merely good at.
Therefore, we have to bravely recognize our weaknesses, shortcomings and unfulfilled desires so as not to use our children to fill this void out of our lack of awareness.
Practically speaking, this commandment asks us, as parents, to purify our own ego and first educate ourselves to be who we are meant to be.

The Second Commandment: We were not born by mistake to our
parents.
This commandment teaches us that we were not born to our parents by mistake and that our children did not come to us by chance.

There are no chances when it comes to reincarnation. Further, reincarnation takes place according to the two Laws of Creation:
The Law of Attraction of Homogenous Species and the Law of Reciprocal Action (also known as the Law of Cause and Effect or the Law of Karma).
In other words, the reason that we were born to a specific family may be either because we have similar characteristics (positive or negative) or because there is a mutual issue or situation from a previous incarnation that needs to develop or to be resolved.
Therefore, it is important to stop blaming our parents, and instead, uncover the lesson we came here to learn together with them, because as soon as the lesson is learned, we will be free to continue down our path.
If you want to start discovering why you chose “your family lab” you are welcome to do the following exercise:
Take a piece of paper and divide it into three columns.
In the first column, write your strengths and weaknesses. In the second column, write your mother’s strengths and weaknesses and in the third column, those of your father. (If you have grown children, you can add a strengths and weaknesses column for each of them, as well).
After you have completed the lists, compare them to find what you need to work on and correct, and what gifts you came here to develop.
This commandment is also very important for a couple that wants and plans to bring a child into the world.
According to the Laws of Creation, parents can pass down only genetic characteristics of the physical body, while the soul, which enters the physical body, is entirely independent.
However, a couple that reaches the high vibrational frequency of true love, spiritual connection and harmony, can attract a high soul. On the other hand, engaging in a sexual act without considering the consequences, can result in the opposite effect, meaning attracting a problematic soul to the family.

The Third Commandment: Connection produces Change and Healing.
Before reaching sexual maturity, which is the age the soul breaks out from its shell to start its independent journey, children absolutely need boundaries.
A child should not be told “Eat whatever and whenever you want,” because then, he will eat potato chips and candy all day long. Nor should a child be told to “sleep whenever he feels like it,” because he will stay up all night glued to the screen and will fall asleep on the sofa.
Children also need guidance and realignment at times when they misbehave.
However, the mistake many parents make when they set boundaries, guide or realign, is that they do so out of stress to quickly correct the child’s mistake.
To that end, they disconnect emotionally from their child, yell orders at him, and, in fact, signal him that if he wants to earn their love, he must immediately obey them. In other words, the point that comes across is: “correct your ways and only then you’ll gain the connection with us.”
Often, this process takes place unknowingly, but for a young child, who needs his parents’ love like oxygen, this can cause effects that would last a lifetime. He may become a pleaser just to gain love, even if deep down he is not sure he is doing the right thing. Keeping this inner connection with our children, even when they misbehave or challenge us, is also very important during adolescence.
At that age, the soul has set out on its own journey, and therefore, it is very likely that if the parents manipulate their teenagers in an attempt to realign them and correct their behavior by disconnecting from them, their teenagers will not comply or obey them, as younger children would, but rather will rebel even more against them and intensify their bad behavior.
Therefore, we must always remember that the connection is what would enable the change and realignment, while demanding change as a condition to connect, will not bring about the blessed or desired results.

The Fourth Commandment: Until the age of adolescence, the main role of the parents is to protect the emotional and physical wellbeing of the child.
The first commandment for conscious parenthood already taught us that
we must not think of our child as someone who must fulfill the expectations of our ego.
A child is not a toy or property that a parent can parade around to show off his looks or boast about his achievements.
This wrong and harmful attitude causes many parents to pressure their young children to achieve intellectual accomplishments. However, the Laws of Creation only command parents to protect the child’s physical and emotional well-being in order to serve as a healthy, nurturing ground for the child’s independent spirit, enabling it to develop and break through its protective shell during the period of adolescence. Healthy, nurturing ground means a home where there is harmony between the parents and among all the family members, healthy food, physical activity, plenty of time outdoors in nature, connection with animals, and creative arts activities.
Remember that the Laws of Creation are also the Laws of Nature, and that, “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1) Just as it is wrong to pick and eat fruits before they are ripened, so it is forbidden to rush the natural process of our children’s development.

The Fifth Commandment: Just as we want to see our children happy, so do our children want to see us happy.
Being a happy person means much more than merely surviving and functioning. Thus, just as we hurt when we see our children merely surviving and functioning, but unhappy, so do they hurt when they see us simply surviving and functioning, but unhappy.
A parent who thinks that sacrificing his life for his children makes him a good parent is mistaken, because conducting himself in light of this erroneous belief would make him a victim. This belief will also be passed on automatically to his children, who, in turn, will become adults, who will also sacrifice their lives for their children, making them victims, as well.
On the other hand, if a parent is operating out of the belief that “A good parent is a happy parent,” he will hardwire the connection between being good and being fulfilled and happy. That connection will be the model of behavior he passes down to his children, who will, eventually, also become such parents.
Erich Fromm explains this in his book The Art of Loving by distinguishing between most mothers who can provide milk to their babies, which is the symbol of basic needs, to mothers who are able to give honey, which is the symbol of the sweet life.
However, honey can be given only by mothers who are inherently happy women, and as such, their influence on the happiness of their children is not limited to their childhood but will continue throughout the child’s life.
Therefore, if we are unhappy with our lives, we will leave our children heavy “debts” for which they will have to “pay” dearly, throughout their entire lives, in the form of great personal suffering; unless they succeed in redeeming it with intensive personal self-work (all types of therapy people go to in an attempt to overcome childhood trauma).
However, if we take responsibility for our own happiness, we will leave our children an “inheritance” which will enable them to walk the path of a happy life as a natural thing.
But, at this point, it is important to stop for a moment and ask: What is happiness?
And specifically: how do parents define happiness for their children? All parents in the world will say that they only want their children to be happy, but, in fact, they mean that they want their children to be successful!
Since most people link happiness with success, all parents, in fact, want their children to be successful, though according to the parents’ own set of criteria.
For one parent, the success that will bring happiness is rooted in having a big family, for another, success means financial wealth, a college degree, or even belonging to a certain religious group.

However, either way, this parental saying “I just want you to be happy”, which is tied to the parent’s concept of success, causes a child undue stress and pushes him far away from the possibility of finding happiness.
In fact, happiness is an internal experience tightly linked to authenticity.
In other words, happiness is linked to the ability of a person to fully express his unique “soul-print” in this world, (just like we each have a unique thumbprint) without any masks or reservations.
Therefore, if we want happy children, we must respect the unique journey of each one of them.
Additionally, we must stop raising our children inside a “bubble of happiness”, and shielding them from any challenge or difficulty, because if we are honest with ourselves, life is not all “rainbows and unicorns,” but there will be hardships and struggles along the way as well.
The old traditional perspective of parenthood, much like that of conventional medicine, is to ignore the pain and mask it with medication.
However, from the perspective of conscious parenthood, coping and managing pain, difficulties and challenges will only help our children become the people that they are truly meant to be.
Our role as parents is only to assist them on their journey and to help them grow and develop through the different experiences with which life will present them.