The Ten Commandments for Conscious Parenthood

The Ten Commandments for Conscious Parenthood

In the new world, we will be required to understand that the purpose of our existence on planet Earth is development of our spirit through experiences in the material world.
There are two ways to understand this requirement, through either suffering or awareness.
Thus, he who chooses to walk the path of awareness will save himself a lot of suffering in all aspects of life.


The goal of this article is to lay the correct foundation for conscious parenthood.
To that end, we must first free ourselves from the wrong belief that parenthood is an entirely “natural” thing. Although the biological component of parenthood is natural, becoming a parent who is also a guide, a teacher and a mentor requires self-awareness and a lot of practice.
Such awareness can prevent life-changing mistakes if we are parents to small children. However, if our children are already older, it also provides us with the tools to help correct and heal the parenting mistakes we have made out of ignorance.
Additionally, this awareness can help us correct the mistakes our parents made, and, thereby, not only correct and heal our lives, but also eliminate wrong behavioral patterns that have passed down from generation to generation.


Let’s start with the Ten Commandments for Conscious Parenthood:

The First Commandment: Our Children are not Ours.
In his poem “On Children”, the Lebanese poet, Kahlil Gibran wrote:
“ Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself:
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls…”

Therefore, the meaning of bringing a child into this world is to give an opportunity for an independent soul to grow and develop through us, but it shall never belong to us.
Practically speaking, this commandment demands that we release our traditional understanding of parenthood as a state of ownership and control, since it does not respect the child as an independent human being with his own destiny, his own fate.
We must remember that our child is not our “mini-me!”
Ancient Hebrew writings guide us that “A person can learn only from a place that his heart desires,” and suggest to “Train a lad in the way he ought to go”. However, much of the education system today, at home and at school, is not tailored to the unique desires and path of the child, but rather, to the desires of the ego of the parent and teacher.
That is, many parents seek to have their children succeed where they have failed or expect their children to excel in areas where they, as parents, were merely good at.
Therefore, we have to bravely recognize our weaknesses, shortcomings and unfulfilled desires so as not to use our children to fill this void out of our lack of awareness.
Practically speaking, this commandment asks us, as parents, to purify our own ego and first educate ourselves to be who we are meant to be.

The Second Commandment: We were not born by mistake to our
This commandment teaches us that we were not born to our parents by mistake and that our children did not come to us by chance.

There are no chances when it comes to reincarnation. Further, reincarnation takes place according to the two Laws of Creation:
The Law of Attraction of Homogenous Species and the Law of Reciprocal Action (also known as the Law of Cause and Effect or the Law of Karma).
In other words, the reason that we were born to a specific family may be either because we have similar characteristics (positive or negative) or because there is a mutual issue or situation from a previous incarnation that needs to develop or to be resolved.
Therefore, it is important to stop blaming our parents, and instead, uncover the lesson we came here to learn together with them, because as soon as the lesson is learned, we will be free to continue down our path.
If you want to start discovering why you chose “your family lab” you are welcome to do the following exercise:
Take a piece of paper and divide it into three columns.
In the first column, write your strengths and weaknesses. In the second column, write your mother’s strengths and weaknesses and in the third column, those of your father. (If you have grown children, you can add a strengths and weaknesses column for each of them, as well).
After you have completed the lists, compare them to find what you need to work on and correct, and what gifts you came here to develop.
This commandment is also very important for a couple that wants and plans to bring a child into the world.
According to the Laws of Creation, parents can pass down only genetic characteristics of the physical body, while the soul, which enters the physical body, is entirely independent.
However, a couple that reaches the high vibrational frequency of true love, spiritual connection and harmony, can attract a high soul. On the other hand, engaging in a sexual act without considering the consequences, can result in the opposite effect, meaning attracting a problematic soul to the family.

The Third Commandment: Connection produces Change and Healing.
Before reaching sexual maturity, which is the age the soul breaks out from its shell to start its independent journey, children absolutely need boundaries.
A child should not be told “Eat whatever and whenever you want,” because then, he will eat potato chips and candy all day long. Nor should a child be told to “sleep whenever he feels like it,” because he will stay up all night glued to the screen and will fall asleep on the sofa.
Children also need guidance and realignment at times when they misbehave.
However, the mistake many parents make when they set boundaries, guide or realign, is that they do so out of stress to quickly correct the child’s mistake.
To that end, they disconnect emotionally from their child, yell orders at him, and, in fact, signal him that if he wants to earn their love, he must immediately obey them. In other words, the point that comes across is: “correct your ways and only then you’ll gain the connection with us.”
Often, this process takes place unknowingly, but for a young child, who needs his parents’ love like oxygen, this can cause effects that would last a lifetime. He may become a pleaser just to gain love, even if deep down he is not sure he is doing the right thing. Keeping this inner connection with our children, even when they misbehave or challenge us, is also very important during adolescence.
At that age, the soul has set out on its own journey, and therefore, it is very likely that if the parents manipulate their teenagers in an attempt to realign them and correct their behavior by disconnecting from them, their teenagers will not comply or obey them, as younger children would, but
rather will rebel even more against them and intensify their bad behavior.
Therefore, we must always remember that the connection is what would enable the change and realignment, while demanding change as a condition to connect, will not bring about the blessed or desired results.

The Fourth Commandment: Until the age of adolescence, the main role of the parents is to protect the emotional and physical wellbeing of the child.
The first commandment for conscious parenthood already taught us that
we must not think of our child as someone who must fulfill the expectations of our ego.
A child is not a toy or property that a parent can parade around to show off his looks or boast about his achievements.
This wrong and harmful attitude causes many parents to pressure their young children to achieve intellectual accomplishments. However, the Laws of Creation only command parents to protect the child’s physical and emotional well-being in order to serve as a healthy, nurturing ground for the child’s independent spirit, enabling it to develop and
break through its protective shell during the period of adolescence. Healthy, nurturing ground means a home where there is harmony between the parents and among all the family members, healthy food, physical activity, plenty of time outdoors in nature, connection with animals, and creative arts activities.
Remember that the Laws of Creation are also the Laws of Nature, and that, “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1) Just as it is wrong to pick and eat fruits before they are ripened, so it is forbidden to rush the natural process of our children’s development.

The Fifth Commandment: Just as we want to see our children happy, so do our children want to see us happy.
Being a happy person means much more than merely surviving and functioning. Thus, just as we hurt when we see our children merely surviving and functioning, but unhappy, so do they hurt when they see us simply surviving and functioning, but unhappy.
A parent who thinks that sacrificing his life for his children makes him a good parent is mistaken, because conducting himself in light of this erroneous belief would make him a victim. This belief will also be passed on automatically to his children, who, in turn, will become adults,

who will also sacrifice their lives for their children, making them victims, as well.
On the other hand, if a parent is operating out of the belief that “A good parent is a happy parent,” he will hardwire the connection between being good and being fulfilled and happy. That connection will be the model of behavior he passes down to his children, who will, eventually, also become such parents.
Erich Fromm explains this in his book The Art of Loving by distinguishing between most mothers who can provide milk to their babies, which is the symbol of basic needs, to mothers who are able to give honey, which is the symbol of the sweet life.
However, honey can be given only by mothers who are inherently happy women, and as such, their influence on the happiness of their children is not limited to their childhood but will continue throughout the child’s life.
Therefore, if we are unhappy with our lives, we will leave our children heavy “debts” for which they will have to “pay” dearly, throughout their entire lives, in the form of great personal suffering; unless they succeed in redeeming it with intensive personal self-work (all types of therapy people go to in an attempt to overcome childhood trauma).
However, if we take responsibility for our own happiness, we will leave our children an “inheritance” which will enable them to walk the path of a happy life as a natural thing.
But, at this point, it is important to stop for a moment and ask: What is happiness?
And specifically: how do parents define happiness for their children? All parents in the world will say that they only want their children to be happy, but, in fact, they mean that they want their children to be successful!
Since most people link happiness with success, all parents, in fact, want their children to be successful, though according to the parents’ own set of criteria.
For one parent, the success that will bring happiness is rooted in having a big family, for another, success means financial wealth, a college degree, or even belonging to a certain religious group.

However, either way, this parental saying “I just want you to be happy”, which is tied to the parent’s concept of success, causes a child undue stress and pushes him far away from the possibility of finding happiness.
In fact, happiness is an internal experience tightly linked to authenticity.
In other words, happiness is linked to the ability of a person to fully express his unique “soul-print” in this world, (just like we each have a unique thumbprint) without any masks or reservations.
Therefore, if we want happy children, we must respect the unique journey of each one of them.
Additionally, we must stop raising our children inside a “bubble of happiness”, and shielding them from any challenge or difficulty, because if we are honest with ourselves, life is not all “rainbows and unicorns,” but there will be hardships and struggles on the way as well.
The old traditional perspective of parenthood, much like that of conventional medicine, is to ignore the pain and mask it with medication.
However, from the perspective of conscious parenthood, coping and managing pain, difficulties and challenges will only help our children become the people that they are truly meant to be.
Our role as parents is only to assist them on their journey and to help them grow and develop through the different experiences with which life will present them.

The Sixth Commandment: Unconsciously, our children take upon themselves difficulties to awaken us to the need to realign.
The second commandment already explained that reincarnation does not happen by chance, and therefore, we can conclude that there is a covenant between us as parents and our children.
There is a difference between a contract and a covenant.
Unlike parties to a contract, where an unsatisfied party can up and leave, the situation with a covenant is different.
Because upon making a covenant if one of the parties to it is unhappy, due to the essence of the covenant, the other party surely, also, cannot be happy, and neither can withdraw from the covenant.

In this covenant between a child and his parents, the unaware statement of the child is: “Mom/Dad, I cannot move forward in life if you are not where you need to be, and therefore, I will serve as a mirror, in front of your faces, so that you wake up, even if I have to suffer for it.”
And so it happens that children unknowingly, take upon themselves illnesses, as well as social or learning difficulties in order to mirror the realignments and changes that the parents must make.
Most of the parents are completely unaware of this, and therefore, they try to resolve their child’s issue as his own problem unrelated to them.
Parents are willing to pay enormous sums of money for their children’s education and health; however, they don’t understand that they cannot afford to approach any issue their children are facing without looking at themselves as well. Further, they don’t hear their children’s cry asking them to invest in themselves to further develop as human beings, and in so doing, also become better parents.
On the other hand, parents should not feel guilty for not being perfect.
Becoming conscious parents is an endless process, and our children are not asking for perfect parents, but for parents who are in the process of perfecting themselves.
At the Alma School for Humanity Gym for Life course, exercise number 10, we will further expand on the logic of this commandment, as well as provide the tools to help decipher the link between our children’s difficulties and the changes and realignments we have to make as parents.

The seventh Commandment: Our children are not the most important thing in our lives.
If you ask most people that raised a family, “what is the most important thing in your life?”
They will immediately answer: “My children!”
However, from the perspective of conscious parenthood, placing our children at the top of the priority list, is, in fact, idol worshiping, which contradicts the first commandment of the Ten commandments: “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.”

“Other gods” does not mean just idols and statues, rather, it is anything that a person perceives as the most important in his life and from which he draws his power.
For one person, “other gods” can be money, for another, social or professional status, while for the third person, it can be his looks and for the fourth, it could be his children.
We already mentioned that our children did not come into this world to fulfill our dreams or fill our emptiness from within. Therefore, if we draw our power from our children, and they decide one day to leave us to pursue their own journey, we may start to manipulate the situation so that we will not be left alone or we might experience the depression
associated with the empty-nester syndrome. If our children are at the top of our priority list, and heaven forbid something happens to them, we may collapse ourselves, or we may not
be able to offer them help since we made them the source of our power instead of getting our power from the right source, which is the relationship between God and ourselves.
A deeper look into this topic is covered in exercise number seven in the Gym for Life course.

The eighth Commandment: Our children have both the right and the responsibility to examine everything that they receive from us.
The prevailing perception of parenthood is that children need to continue the traditions of their parents and pass them down to their children, from generation to generation.
However, as already explained, our children are not our property, and once they become adults, they have their own free choice, and they have the duty to exercise it if they want to become a human being in the full sense of the word.
On the other hand, we have to grant our children the right to examine objectively for themselves, everything that they have received from us, such as their religious or political affiliation, the approach toward science, conventional or alternative medicine, social or environmental issues, etc.

We must allow them to choose what is right out of their own experiences and not because of blind obedience.

The Ninth Commandment: We do not owe our children anything once they reach adulthood.
According to the Laws of Creation, once a person reaches adulthood, he must stand on his own two feet, and his parents owe him nothing else.
The parents are not required to allow their child to live with them forever, to continue to clean his room, do his laundry or cook for him.
Parents do not have to provide financial support, buy him a house when he gets married, or feel guilty that they are not good parents if they cannot afford to help him financially. They are not required to babysit the grandchildren whenever they are asked, and they also are not required to leave their children any inheritance after their death.
Anything that parents give their adult children is considered a gift.
It will lead the children to show gratitude for the gifts they receive and
will further help them become more creative and independent.
It will enable the parents to continue their own development journey, which is not supposed to end just because they chose to become parents.

The Tenth Commandment: We should strive and pray for a soul kinship with our children.
The most amazing thing that can happen to us as parents is that one day, our children will not only have a biological connection to us, but also a spiritual one.
This is the state where both we as parents and our children are in a deep process of spiritual development, and the connection and conversations among ourselves touch upon the deepest layers of our existence, since we see and know who they truly are, and they see and know who we truly are.


Parents who live these “Ten Commandments for Conscious Parenthood” are parents who understand the importance of investing in their own development. The purpose for it all is that they can become the shining star for which their children search when they start their independent life journey and need a guiding light to brighten their path, even in the darkest of nights.

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